Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Sober January is a disaster.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
