im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
