apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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