do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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