A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
