the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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