I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Only a mothe r could love this liver
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
