My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
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And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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