She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
