dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
