No, drunk sperm still make babies.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I will be naked everywhere
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
