Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
