Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
