I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
