Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
