There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
