i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
is that a dick in a sweater?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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