Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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