she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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