The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
