Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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