His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
