The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize