she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
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it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
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