I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
