I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
