I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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