ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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