Do you still have your period?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
