i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
