you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
