I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
