M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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