in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
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