His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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