I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
