i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
