I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
