I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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