i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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