i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
