I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
God, I missed his penis.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
