I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Small penises have feelings too.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
