I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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