She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
