she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
