I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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