were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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