i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
