do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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