I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
