you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
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He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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