Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
