She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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