I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
