If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
