Define "chronic" masturbator.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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