just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
