Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
