woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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