oh god the rape fog is back!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
