grandma shit on top of the toilet
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
