"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
